Chase Fireflies

About Living and Dying

8 Comments

The dermatologist says that she has no choice but to biopsy three suspect areas.  And I have laid down on that table before, with the white roll of paper underneath.  And the incisions become routine over the years.  Waking up to the morning sun and living and dying. 

This life is about living and dying.

And I would be lying to you if I told you I wasn’t afraid on that table, with needles and scalpels around.  I cannot leave the surgical room yet.  I get dressed and I sit there in the chair and breathe.  Living and dying, living and dying. 

This life is about living and dying. 

For a moment so brief , I hate melanoma.  I do not like having to be afraid of what this skin is harboring.  I am full of fear and anger and remorse and shame.  And I am afraid for my husband and kids and family.  Living and dying, living and dying. 

This life is about living and dying.

But how can I live without death being a part of me?  And is it the Melanoma that will kill me?  Or gripping fear itself?  Or maybe living as if what my eyes can see is all there really is?  There is much cancer to be removed from this body and you know what?   It doesn’t look like Melanoma at all. 

All that is lethal needs cut out so that life goes on with the living.

And how can I die without having had lived?  To know the freedom of Christ.  To live arms wide opened, head held back, a steadfast gaze on the One who loved my soul.  To have loved and to know tears and to have fought hard and to have fallen hard and to have crossed the finish line and to be present and to stare at fears and win. 

This life is about living and dying.  And just for the record, I intend to live and die each day.  God has been so good to me. 

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.  -John 12:24

8 thoughts on “About Living and Dying

  1. I’m praying, Kristin. Thanks for posting what you are going through. It helps to know how to pray for you.

  2. Praying for you, Kristin!

  3. awww… thanks, girls. i appreciate it a ton. i’m dealing with it better now that i had some God and writing time:) helps to put everything in perspective. will keep you posted.

  4. I am praying too! Thanks for sharing what we ALL need to hear for our own lives.

  5. Hey girl. Did you receive the results yet? You’ve been on my heart…praying for you girl!

  6. i heart you. praying that you will find peace, no matter the results.

  7. i didn’t see these comments till now. sorry:) yes. i got the results….. very good news! just precancerous conditions, but the margins on all of them are clear – which means no other surgeries right now. they think they got everything:)

    thank you, friends, for praying! this was a good wake up call for me:)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s