Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
– O Holy Night
When He appeared
He carried me out of my confinement
the prison of my fears
my aching alone.
He set me free TO BE FULLY ALIVE
to run like a banshee in the pouring rain
to swing dance with my children
and sing that song so loud
and enjoy the gift of my husband
and laugh till I cry and cry till I laugh.
And He gave me the gift of simple wonder. And hope.
All is not lost.
He rescued me
Because He delighted in me.
He smiles over me. Even if I’m quite the piece of work.
There’s a song of rescue to be sung.
May you know today that He delights in you.
His eyes light up at the very thought of you.
Let Him carry you
Every concern that stresses you and every fear that prevents you
From living in that spacious place.
All is not lost,
So last night instead of getting any work done or wrapping Christmas presents , Paul and I opted to:
Anything you like to do when you just don’t feel like doing anything?
If anyone is still reading this, you’ll have noticed I’ve been on a hiatus.
December has been so not simple.
My little part time job has morphed into a crazy monster of late… evening parties, special events, office training… customer service calls, marketing, and all sorts of computer program crash courses. I even needed training on how to put the stinkin’ phone on my head. Who puts the phone on backwards? I had no idea how earpiece headsets were configured.
Then there have been cankers. Oh, the cankers. I’ve had bout after bout after bout of 5-7 suckers at a time. The craters attack every square inch of my mouth, leaving me with lots of drool and a sweet lisp. It’s lovely, really. And they make me so fatigued. So fatigued. Some part of me is out of balance somewhere so I’m heading to a doctor for help. I want crazy super powered supplements. I want to be able to fly and scale walls. For real.
Of course there have been Christmas parties and story times and meals with friends and the Christmas Carol in Pittsburgh (fantastic, by the way!) and playing dress up and chasing Adden and date nights with Paul – and these things have been a joy. A pure joy. All has not been just work and cankers, but sometimes it sure seems like it.
Today was the first morning in quite a while that I woke up feeling healthy and well. I could talk like a normal human being and eat fruit and a bagel and be present for life, be present for people, be present for God. So I said thanks and thanks and thanks to my Giver of every good thing.
And then it hit me.
All this time, God was just waiting on me. Waiting on me for a thanks, a praise, an ounce of appreciation for His unseen sovereignty and grace and majesty – even in the midst of crazy December days. Something, anything.
But me, I only like to thank God when all is how I think it should be. When I’m in control, when I feel perfect, when everyone around me does what I think they should do, when things are at peace, when…. Okay, I should stop cause it’s just getting uglier from here.
Thanking God regardless. I’ve got to have another go at this cause I tanked last time.
But this time, this time it’ll be different. And next time you hear from me I may even be able to fly. Won’t that be something?
Much Love and Thanks and Peace,